We had a windy night in Austin and I woke up and went out to water my vegetable garden this morning, like I do every morning when I’m not hungover. Only today there weren’t any vegetables. And do you know why? It’s because the bastard deer ate them all. The makeshift gate had blown open in the night and let the brutes in. They nibbled all my lettuces to nubs, pulled my artichokes out by the roots, finished off the spinach. They even ate the tiny sugar snap pea shoots that were just starting to get leafy. I picked these radishes just to feel like I was pulling survivors from the rubble. Then I sat down in the dirt and tried not to cry.