Happiness depends upon ourselves

Aristotle said that.  I haven’t posted in a while.  I’ve been busy. I’ve seen lots of theatre, some excellent, some not so much.  I shot a commercial. Pinter died. I auditioned for The Heidi Chronicles.  A new president was elected. I went on a callback for Hansel and Gretel.  I broke up with B.  I moved out of the house….

And that is why you haven’t heard from me.  All I know is something had to change.  Life is too much the small moments that can bury you if they aren’t mostly joyful. Then even though I always knew it somewhere deep down, I realized I had the power to change everything. And of course its so hard.  I love B so much, always will.  And its difficult to set down the dream that I thought we’d realize together. But all I have is this one life.  All I have is the time that I’ve been given on this earth, and I don’t want to waste it.  And I know that I can find my own happines and I’ve set out to do just that.

My new apartment is old and brand new at the same time.  Its a renovated studio that was once the garage of a 70’s style three bedroom.  Its almost like staying in a hotel, everything so bright and modern.  I brought nothing with me except my clothes and my bed. Oh and Stella and the Swiffer, my sweet little red dog and my bitchy grey cat.  I want to fill it with things that bring me joy in some way.  I want to make it my sacred place where I can create something beautiful, whatever it is.  There is no win or fail, there is only Make. That is my new mantra. Life after all isn’t about figuring out who you are, its creating the you you want to be.

Wish me luck.

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