Now that The Frog Prince has finished its successful six week run at the Scottish Rite Children’s Theater, I’d like to reminisce a little. This show and its cast will always be a shining diamond in my theatre tiara (get it, I’m a PRINCESS). I have never had so much fun or laughed so much or truly enjoyed the rehearsal process more doing any show. It was beyond the joyful. That being said, there are some things that will forever haunt me. Like Sean’s onesie and his sweaty upper lip kisses. And now, without further ado, I give you the Top Ten Most Infamous or Memorable Moments from THE FROG PRINCE.
10. The sweet, sensitive kid that apologized to Jose as the King after joining in with the crowd to scare his hiccups away. He says to the whole theater, “I’m really sorry to have scared you. I didn’t know you would fall down.” The same kid also just out-of-nowhere yelled “LOVE!” at the end of the show. That poor boy is going to get crushed by the world, bless his heart.
9. The no-nonsense little girl that responded when Sean (the Frog) asked “Do you think she likes me?” “Not yet…. (crossing her arms and shaking her head ruefully) Not yet.” That girl will probably go on to be the next Sonia Sotomayor. Baby wise Latina.
8. The junior lawyer kid that found the one plot hole in the script and grilled Andrea with it as she was doing her final monologue. She was saying that she had turned another character into a frog. The boy says, “That’s impossible. You said that there was only one spell per person and you already put a Truth Spell on Franny. Therefore, there is no way you could have turned him into a frog. I rest my case.” Andrea recovered but the ladies and gentlemen of the jury were not swayed and she was sentenced to two weeks in the corner with no dessert.
7. “Hermit Crab.” The imaginary response to “What kind of pets do you boys and girls have?” that came out of rehearsals and then permeated the rest of the run. Seriously, we referenced “hermit crab” as much as possible. Which was a lot. Anytime McKelvey was in the audience we would find a way to say it during the performance. We found it hilarious. Maybe you had to be there.
6. The sad kid that was also the loudest kid whose response to that same question during an actual performance was the following, “I HAVE TWO CATS BUT THE SECOND CAT IS DYING RIGHT NOW.” Then Jose just left me out there to fry for a while before making his entrance. Fucker.
5. The pity-hug.
4. “I QUIT THE PLAY.” A jaunty catchphrase that was uttered by at least one of us during every show or rehearsal. Feel free to borrow it for your next show. Everyone will appreciate it.
3. The disturbing mixture of reactions to the Princess as evidenced by the show posters we autographed in character after every performance. Very small boys and all the little girls loved Princess Abigail. But boys above the age of five had a different response. Their posters frequently had Princess Abigail’s face scratched out, or eyes stabbed out, or laser beams shooting into her belly or something similarly healthy. One time I said something to Jose in the bratty princess voice and a 7-year-old boy grabbed his head and screamed, “OH NO NOT THAT AGAIN! NOT THAT AGAIN!” And ran out of the lobby as if he were pursued by demons.
2. The lady that sat next to me in the same lobby as I was meeting the kids and said “So are you going to try to do theatre?” Confused, I slowly turned my face to her and gave her a quizzical WTF look. Unabashed, she followed up with the solid gold, “Are you going to try to do theatre after this?” Seriously, who was that lady? I want to follow her to her workplace and be like “Are you going to try to be an dental office receptionist?” when she is trying to process someone’s insurance information.
1. And the memory that I will have on mental rolodex if I ever need to be able to pee myself laughing on cue: The Frog Decapitation. Sean unknowingly dislodged his frog head during this one part when he does an impromptu dance sequence. He’d recently discovered that the kids liked it when he wiggled his butt while pointing it directly at them. He was in the midst of jubilantly doing just that and didn’t notice that one of his wilder dance moves had sent the frog head sailing across the stage. I watched as the kids’ eyes got all big, following its green trajectory. Sean finally noticed that he was dancing in just a wig cap and that the kids were getting scared because the Frog had turned into Mommy Dearest. He managed to get it back on while still dancing, like a disgraced drag queen. I couldn’t say my line. I lost it. We ran off stage and collapsed into the kind of laughter that makes you wonder if it will ever, ever stop. Especially when you have an entrance coming up.
Much love to Sean, Andrea, Michael, Heath, Josh and Jose. Hermit Crab Forever… I quit the play.